Her Toes In The Sand

I wrote this for one of the sweetest women I know. Sometimes, like all of us, she has trouble seeing how beautiful she is as a woman, wife and mother and stresses over her weight, appearance and how other people see her.  This makes me sad. She is better now, she is on a path to loving herself first and all of her beauty and flaws, something we must all learn to do. She inspires me daily and today, inspired this poem.

HER TOES IN THE SAND

She almost has her toes in the sand
Her body trembles in anticipation
Of the sea’s foamy edge so close
Yet miles away

She hesitates, pretends to scan the beach
For long travelled treasure washed ashore
But that isn’t what she truly seeks
She is deceiving

She is looking for her judge and jury
Those she is sure are mocking
She hears their hurtful laughter
She feels their ‘beauty queen’ eyes on her

For she was never to wear a crown
And carry a garden of roses in her arms
To bow to her audience of applause and approval

Her carefully chosen swim attire feels all wrong now
It took her hours to choose
And finally, upon finding just the right one
She was happy
Happy at who she saw reflected back at her
From the mirror of mock and shame

Her confidence thwarted in a millisecond
A word
A glance
A demeaning remark that cut to her bones

Anxiety overpowering, creeps in
Swift and methodical
It has always known the quickest route to her heart
She was so close to having her toes in the depths
Where she could swim free of her insecurities
Wash her soul free of the voices

Louder now, she knows a crowd has gathered
Watching, waiting, she is prey to her predators
She sees freedom in the ocean
Freedom in the tides
For they are beckoning her to play

Inviting her to take that long-awaited plunge
And dance in the waves of pure joy and bliss

She cannot move

Paralyzed

No moving forward and she dare not turn around
To face her jury

The sun breaks free from the clouds
And in that instant
That timeless moment
She takes the plunge
Her toes now covered in sand and sea
She bounds in with delight

Submerged now in the acceptance

Serenity

She is at peace, one with the Earth
Oh how she plays and laughs in delight

Her courage now in glorious bloom
She is ready to turn around
Leave the safety and kindness of the sea
To face those who torment and taunt

She surrenders herself to the waves
They know she needs the push to shore
The push of strength and they guide her

She cuts through the rolling crashes
Of the now seemingly unkind waves
Trying to knock her off balance
But she does not fall

She reaches the sandy shore
Her toes still in the sand
She claims her space
Her head raises slowly
Prepared for the intended humiliation
From the crowds that have gathered

Their voices so loud she can barely hear
Slowly, she lifts her eyes to face her predators

How can this be?

The beach, as far as her eyes can see
Untouched by footprints
No judge, no jury, no predators

A few screeching gulls announce their presence

Was it all a dream?

She feels again her toes in the sand
And searches the skies for a sign

What is this riddle?

And for the first time in her life
She knows now that she had the power
To silence those voices of torment and taunt

For they were only hers,

Only hers

Hers alone

She runs like a child to her towel and sarong
Laughing with herself and not at herself
Oh how she wants to walk that shoreline
With her toes in the sand

She reaches for her sarong and flip-flops
And suddenly hears a voice

That voice

She nods to herself in agreement
With this new and loving whisper
She looks again to the sky and laughs

And she walks that shoreline
With her toes in the sand
She looks back only once

With no regrets

And says goodbye to her towel and sarong