Thank You To All The Great Dads Out There

tea party

My father was not the type of man a child honors on Father’s Day. My father was a heartless and cruel abuser in every sense of the word. But rather than dwell on his heinous treatment of me, I choose to focus my attention where it belongs today – on the real men of the world.

The good men, the good fathers, the good daddies that love their children unconditionally. Some people think that because of my brutal experience with my father that I dislike men or that seeing fathers with their daughters would somehow upset me. I can assure you, it’s quite the opposite. Nothing makes me happier than to see a father and daughter sharing a tender moment or an exchange of love and laughter playing peek-a-boo.

I want to take a moment and thank all those dads who never knew the gift they were bestowing upon me as I watched from behind a tree or peeking up from a magazine I happened to be reading in the doctor’s office or as I sat drinking a glass of wine in your living room with your wife who happens to be my friend. You never knew I was watching along with the little girl inside of me as you were just being a dad – a great dad.

Thank you –

for whispering words of encouragement in her ear so she never hears those of cruelty and anger;

for hoisting your little girl high above your head, flying her through the air so she can feel the untethered freedom of flight and never know bonds of control;

for contorting your body into the most uncomfortable of positions to fit into that tiny chair to participate in the tea party she took so much time planning, arranging and rearranging and nurturing her imagination so doors will open before her instead of imprison her;

for wiping her tears with tenderness after each and every fall and extending your strong hands to uplift and not cast down;

for listening to the tales of her sad and broken heart when the boyfriend du jour chooses someone else to invite to the dance and embracing her in love so she never feels the terror or the strangulation of force;

for taking her arm in yours, walking her down the aisle and placing her hand and your trust into the those of another man, the man she has chosen to spend her life with so she knows true love is sharing in her happiness and not in controlling her destiny.

Mostly, thank you for sharing your world with me and giving me a glimpse of what a real father looks like; what a little girl’s childhood should look like.

Thank you for letting me hear the giggles of delight when you lovingly tickle her little tummy, the squeals of excitement as you squirt bath water on her from her favorite water toy, and for allowing me to see the innocence in her eyes because that for me is the most important.

Her eyes hold no fear toward you, they are filled only with love and adoration for a father that she knows will put her life before his, protect her from all the dragons and boogey men in the world, check the closet for monsters for the tenth time in as many minutes and stroke her forehead as she drifts off into a peaceful slumber afforded only to those children who have nothing to fear.

We, as little girls, grow up learning of the heroic deeds of policemen and fireman, soldiers and conquerors and dragon slayers and beast tamers but fathers, real-life, ordinary dads, they are the real heroes of the world. They are the ones brave enough to cry when they’re sad and strong enough to ask for help when things get too heavy for them to shoulder on their own.

And you, kind, gentle men, are what your daughters will seek out when they go to choose their partner for life – someone that’s a lot like their father, their dad, their hero.

 

 

 

 

 

ADIEU

kiss

Floating by your eyes on a rainy summer’s breeze
Candy-coated incense, retro melodies
Tambourine shimmy, velvet slide guitar
Open doors, hardwood floors, funky table bar

Poppin’ on the bongos, Credence in the air
Red wine and salty crackers, a suburbia Times Square
Fingers strumming love songs, the moon shines double-time
Lyrics winding through the halls like tumbling Jasmine vine

Cheese and grapes on paper plates, watermelon squares
Beer bottles long abandoned, laughter climbs the stairs
Bodies swaying to the groove of memories awakened
Mistress Magic offers spells just begging to be taken

Floating by your eyes on a rainy summer’s breeze
Sailing through your rhapsody on a circus tent trapeze
Musicians play their love songs, the sky still midnight blue
I leave you with a lover’s kiss and bid this breeze adieu Continue reading

My Drummer In The Band

drummer1

You were just a drummer
In a classic hit rock band
And I was just a Catholic girl
Who’d gotten out hand

Your hair was long and sweaty
As your sticks banged out your pride
My hair was blonde and flowing
As I flung it side to side

It took some time for me to dance
Into your line of sight
But once I did I caught your eye
Forever and a night

I swayed my body to your beat
You kept my rhythmic time
Our eyes were locked our hearts in sync
My God you looked so fine

We’d never met until this song
I Want It Painted Black
I sang the words right back to you
And slowly arched my back

I raised my hands above my head
My hips they circled round
Your eyes they followed dizzily
A connection so profound

I saw you step down from the stage
Your shirt you’d shed from heat
You walked right up and grabbed my waist
And I melted at your feet

You drew me up from off the floor
My knees could barely stand
Your music pulsing through my blood
You clasped my open hand

We walked through darkness to a place
Away from the crowded bar
We couldn’t wait to be alone
After fucking from afar

You plunged your tongue into my mouth
I rose up on my toes
Just like a ballerina
While you fumbled with my clothes

I still don’t know just where we were
When you filled me with yourself
I shook and grabbed your golden mane
And took you for myself

You pulled my tousled hair away
From my eyes still shut in lust
Open your eyes and look at me
As you gave a harder thrust

I halfway focused onto your eyes
You’re mine; you understand?
There was no saying no to you
My drummer in the band

We kissed so hard my lips they bled
I was bathed in lover’s sweat
And though I didn’t know your name
It’s one I’d not forget

You raised me up into your arms
And swept me off my feet
And to this day and those between
Your drums still my heart’s beat

My Dragon, My Darkness and Me

dragon

Weren’t you just here yesterday?
How quickly the memory has faded away
A lightning bolt shot straight through my heart
A spectacular flash and now there’s just dark

Was it real or just a wide-awake slumber?
Did you have to call me out from the rock I was under?
It was cozy and warm I had all I could need
My scars were all healed and now they all bleed

It was fun, I admit, I had forgotten the sun
And I answered your call when I knew I should run
It only took seconds before you were my muse
I let go for a moment and misread the cues

But the sun it will set and night’s veil will fall
And in darkness is comfort it’s where my demons call
They beckon like lovers that are far and away
Wishing their flesh spoke the words they would say

Pity me not, I embrace every shadow
I dance in that space where hot embers glow
Moonlight bathes me in cool breathless beams
It’s where I concoct the words from my dreams

So next time you beckon I may not come play
I’ll be off with Puff sailing far, far away
Honah Lee was a drag and cramping his style
And Little Jackie a selfish and quite bratty child

So I told Puff to stop crying those green scales of rain
Hold my hand, take a leap, and leave that Isle of Pain
Neither of us will be home if you happen to knock
We’ll be living together in our swank carved out rock

I’m just sure you were real I can still feel you near
I thought I might save you from your self-imposed fear
But alas, you live in a world of decrees
With no room for my dragon, my darkness or me

You’ll think of me fondly and miss me I know
But we had our moment and basked in its glow
I must away, it’s beginning to hail
I’m catching a flight on Puff’s magic tail

And Perhaps

space
We careened and collided in a comet dust cloud
Frolic and fury, so quietly loud
In swirling dark smoke our spirits entwined
A celestial sphere of grace so sublime

We both breathe so easily, you in - me out
As a prayer offered up without any doubt
Sailing on moonbeams and tripping on stars
Or was it the whiskey and a dingy old bar?

Did I know you once-upon-a-lifetime ago?
It's a delectable tidbit this smooth ebb and flow
You're a mystery, a clue, a curious distraction
How do I trust in this cosmic attraction?

Being in love with love is a double-edged sword
Reality answers and we're instantly bored
The dance, the scent, the hunt is the thrill
Then the carcass abandoned for those who can't kill

So tell me you gods and writers of prose
How much we mere mortals should bravely expose?
How high can we soar, how far can we bend?
We must make the kill, taste the blood, make it end

And after we've shared our guts and our glory
Told each other every sad sordid story
What happens then to our comet dust ride?
And traversing the Universe side by side?

Perhaps where we've chosen to tumble in time
Is a place where we tread upon what is Divine
And perhaps shooting stars they never do fade
Our eyes just can't see the dreams that they've made

Perhaps it's just a moment's one magical chance
To make even Lucifer's eyes shine and dance
And perhaps we're not meant to know all the whys
And that's why the stars disappear from our eyes